Being Brave, Fears, Greif

Can you see me now?

Photo by Alexander Dummer on

The one thing that I have learned about being fat if that as a fat person I am invisible. Doors close in my face. People will look around me or through me, verses actually seeing me. It is not unusual for people to walk right in front of me as if I wasn’t even there. It is amazing to me that these same people who can’t see me suddenly have their vision restored as soon as they are ready to make fun of me. At that point I become 100% visible.

Do you ever get tired of not being seen? I do… to most people I am just a mass. I am not human, and I have no feelings at all. I am their punching bag to beat up when the mood hits them. Although it has never been physical in some cases it wouldn’t hurt any worse if it was physical.

Why is it that you can be in a small group of people, but if a new person is introduced to the group, the only one that can’t be seen is the fat person. Again, just an inanimate mass…

I never got asked out by high school students when I was in high school even though I was not overly overweight. I needed to lose weight but not by any more than 30 pounds. Now I could lose 100 pounds to be at my happy weight. School dances would come and go but no one was interested in me. Football games, prom, homecoming, you name it, it was never happening for me. I was much more quiet than I am now. I am not quiet at all now. There are times I wish I would have had the personality I do now in school, but I am not sure it would have made a difference. I went to a very superficial high school where image and money was all that mattered. I was no one’s image of a date, and I certainly didn’t grow up with money.

I got the feeling at times that there were guys that wanted to say something but never did. I am sure I would have been too embarrassing to be with. I am sure they feared the repercussion of dating me. I get that. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to ever suffer that pain that I had to.

As I write this, I want you to know that I am not writing for a pity party. I am just putting it out there for those people who get it. You are not alone. Someone else gets it and cares. I hate it for anyone. Right now there is someone being bullied, shamed, or ignored, because they do not fit the traditional social standard that society has deemed “worthy.”

You are worthy even if the world can’t see your worth…

You are valuable even if right at this moment you feel less…

YOUR PEOPLE see your worth and see your value…

YOUR PEOPLE want to spend time with you and love you even if you don’t feel very loveable…

You are a beauty! You are created in God’s image. I don’t know about you, but I am not going to question Gods creation.

Be Brave, Have Faith, Ignore the hate

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